We said goodbye a Year Ago....

As today comes to an end I reflect on what the day brought.....

Alot of sadness....

Today marks the one year anniversary of loosing our baby. The emotions came flooding back and I spent most of the day in tears. I miss Peanut, the baby my Husband and I made together. Such sadness was had a year ago, and now much sadness was experienced today as well.

The nice things of today....

My wonderful Husband lit our memorial candle for peanut... and left it burning (safely) for me to see when I woke up this morning!! So VERY sweet... I am happy that he remembered our beautiful baby today!

A friend called to see how I was doing... Very unexpected but so very needed!

I am off to bed to wake up to a much better day tomorrow!!

Mommy and Daddy love you so very much peanut, my perfect Baby in Heaven!

A,B,C's of Fertility

I've seen this on a few of the blogs I follow so I figured I'd do it too!

A - Age at Which you Started TTC: 27

B - Baby Dancing or Sex: Sex

C - Children Wanted: Still want 3-4, just depends on my body

D - Dogs/Cats/Fill In Babies: We have an amazing dog (Min Pin / Jack Russel) DEXTEHR and 2 farm Cats Chleo & Zoe.... and soon some kittens

E - Essential Oils/Vitamins: I take a prenatal vitamin

F - Fertility Meds I've Taken: None really... I am only on Metformin

G - Gain, What I have Gained from Infertility: Other than 25 pounds.....

H - HSG: Nope

I - Infertile Pet Peeve: When I have friends who are on their second baby and I havent even had my first yet... or even pregnant!

J - Job Title: Behavioural Interventionist ( Working with children with Autism )

K - Kids Names you are Afraid will be Taken: If i tell you then you may take them... lol!

L - Lengh of Time TTC - Almost 21 months

M - Miscarriages: ONE, and we miss you lots Peanut!

N - Number of Times you have Swiched REs: None, We have never seen an RE. We are currently seeing a dr. at a fertility clinic. No RE's in our area.

O - Overian Quality: Good as far as I know

P - POAS or Wait for AF: POAS.. I'm addicted!! lol

Q - Quote from an Obnoxious Fertile: " Relax and it'll happen "

S - Sperm: Olympic Athletes... lol

T - Time you Tried Naturally: Going on 21 months

U - Uterus Quality: Good

V - Vagina: Yup i have one of those...

W - What Baby Stuff do you Already Have: An outfit I bought when i first found out I was pregnant and a couple of little things that sit in a rubbermaid tagged "baby stuff"

X - Xtra, Xtra, Hear all about it! How many people know about your TTC Journey: Everyone! After the loss I needed all the support I could get.

Y - Yearly Exam: I am almost 29 and have not had one until just recently...

Z - Zits: Lots of them...... Go Away!!

Another one!

So I am at it again and am making another diaper cake for a Baby shower on Sunday. I am really excited to be doing another cake and have lots of inspiration from "google" pics. I'll post pictures when it has been constructed but you will have to wait until after Sunday... till then I will leave you with a picture of the materials!

Go Vancouver!!

Wow What A Game!!!! That was some awesome hockey played tonight!! We are now moving onto the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs!! So excited!! This is our year Vancouver!! Go Boys Go!!

When they scored I was (obviously) excited, I let out lots of loud cheering (screaming).... Well my dog thought he should join in to and started to whine really loudly which turned into HOWLING..... Dex thought the Canucks played a pretty awesome game too I guess!!

Here's a pic of the Canucks biggest (doggy) fan!

A year later............

1 year ago today was one of the best days of my life. April 2, 2010 was the day Mark and I found out we were going to be parents. Oh how I miss you Peanut! Here's a picture of myself a year ago, and the very little stick that changed my life.





I never imagined that in one year my life could go from total bliss to complete sorrow, frustration, loss of hope, and fear....

Will I ever get to see those 2 beautiful pink lines again? Will I ever know what its like to feel life inside of me? Will anyone call me mommy? These are the things I think of as I sit here tonite.

I am going to another fertility appointment on Wednesday and hopefully that DR can give us a plan to move forward with.

I ask you this...... Just because I have extra weight does that mean I don't deserve to be a mom?

I know I am a day early on my post but I seem to have time tonight... and sure hope (for my sake) I dont have any spare time tomorrow!