Oct 15th

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Being 1 of the 2,000 women who suffer a pregnancy or infant loss everyday, we are remembering our little one who is with Jesus now. Please join with me and pray for all the women,
fathers and families who are affected by miscarriage, stillbirth or...infant loss each day.

Today is a particularly hard day for me, I am very sad. I went to the Dr's on Wednesday and got told that she believes that I have a lot of PCOS tendencies and that before she is willing to intervene medically that she wants me to loose 30lbs first. I know that I have to loose weight, but 30 lbs.... That could take me like 3 months. I have already waited 15 months, and dont want to wait anymore. I am just sad and want my baby back. I would be 32 weeks today and only have 8 more weeks to wait!! Thats less time then what it could possible take me to loose the weight. Looks like I might have to go through December 10 ( my edd ) without another pregnancy to distract me.

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!

MOMMY AND DADDY MISS YOU VERY MUCH PEANUT!! I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE MORNING I SAW THOSE 2 PINK LINES. I WANTED YOU SO BADLY TO STAY HERE WITH US!! LOVE YOU PEANUT!